Post-Yoga Catharsis

I don't really...know...what it is you want from me. And I'm not going to sit here and obsess over ideas that might be. I don't really care. And it's funny, because, I haven't felt like this in awhile. So carefree. So focused. Practically unstoppable at this point.

Maybe it has a lot to do with my recent failures, my even more recent successes. I know what I'm doing here, in this area of my life. I know what I want. I know I can get it. I feel absolutely no need for your permission, for your approval, for your company.

I must sound like a really big selfish bitch right now, I'm sure. But why? Just because you're finally coming around? All of a sudden I'm expected to stick around? Homie don't play that. I sat around long enough. I'm doing my thing now, and I'm happy.

And there are other people...who expect me to just jump at them because they're there, because they've made themselves available. Same goes for you. You think you know what you want, and when it's right there in front of you, you second-guess yourself. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure, it's only natural to do that. But then again, did you ever even really want this? Quit with the band-aid remedies. You're doing more harm than good.

I'm focused now. I have to be. I know what I want and I will do what it takes to get it. And even after I already have it? I aim higher. I hug what I've gained, tighter. I have to. I have to learn how to.

In other news, I'm applying for jobs like crazy now. "Like crazy" actually meaning two more jobs applied to yesterday. Two completely different jobs. One job, in the heart of the city, off Michigan Avenue, working as an outpatient dietitian for oncology. Oncology, to me, is one of those specialties I was afraid of, learned a lot from during my internship, but still am not quite sure just how I feel about it. The up side is that I would try to gain more experience working for public relations in the same building...but even with PR...I'm not sure how I feel about that either. It just seems so..."corporate" to me. So...robotic.

The other job, on the other hand, is working as a Specialist in Nutrition for a well-respected university. The latter definitely intrigues me more. Because it's different, because it's research, because I'll be constantly learning, and reading, and writing. I would love that job. Regardless of the pay. I think it'd be a lot of fun :).

And just like that, the sky just got a little clearer. I should blog more often!