Michigan Exhaustion

I...am...tired. Of a lot of things. Of a lot of people. Ever since I've been here, I've had a lot of time to really sort things through. My dreams, my desires, my wants, and dislikes. Excess weight on my shoulders, unnecessary drama. I'm tired because I didn't realize how much weight I was carrying around until I got here. And it's funny, because it's not like I do much. It's not like I've established a routine just yet. It's different here because I get to do things my way, whenever I want. I have an excuse to be a bad friend. I have an excuse not to call home every, single day. Not that it's my intention but I have a valid reason not to stay on top of things when it comes to pleasing other people. I get to do me here. I get to love me here. I get to phase out all the people and/or things that have/recently/potentially hurt me. And, as somewhat depressing this may all sound, I'm doing just fine.

The good news is, it will get better. I just know it. Because it's not every day I get to remind myself why I'm here. It's not everyday I get to want to do what I'm doing, and finish things I never got around to back home.

I'm tired because I'm sick of feeling... a lot of things. Guilty for not calling you back. Sad because I've been a bad friend. Happy because you returned my text. Excited because of good news. Sometimes, it just feels so damn good to get away from feeling things, you know? It's so hard to keep up with me and my emotions sometimes, especially when they drive me wild.

There is one thing I do ask of you though. I'm asking you to understand...to try to understand... where I've been, where I am, what I'm doing, what I'm trying to do. I'm asking you to put yourself in my shoes, and really walk around. I'm asking you to stop. To let me go, let me run wild and just hope we meet again. I'm asking you to do whatever it is you think is best, and to STICK with that. No gray area, here.